roonee Parenting is never quite what you expect, but raising two disabled children has been a journey I couldn’t have prepared for, no matter how hard I tried. Over the last five years, I’ve learned some invaluable lessons—things I wish I had known from the very beginning. These lessons have made life not only more manageable but also a lot more joyful. I want to share them with you, in the hope that they can ease some of the challenges you might be facing if you’re also on this journey.
1. Stop comparing your parenting journey
One of the most freeing moments in my journey was when I stopped comparing my life to the lives of others around me. In the early days, I found myself constantly looking at other families—parents with neurotypical children—and wondering why my journey felt so different. It was disheartening, to say the least. But the day I stopped holding my family’s experience against someone else’s was the day I found peace.
I realised that comparing my parenting journey didn’t do anyone any favours, least of all me. My children’s milestones look different, our holidays might need more planning, and our daily routines might take more effort – and that’s okay. Once I embraced that my family’s path was simply different—not better, not worse—I started enjoying the journey much more.
2. Accepting the unexpected
Before becoming a parent, I had quite specific ideas about what parenthood would look like: school runs, weekend activities, family holidays, and so much more. When I was pregnant, I had visions of travelling to exotic and far-flung destinations with my young children… But parenting two disabled children has been a vastly different experience. Early on, I struggled to reconcile the reality with my expectations. There was a point where I had to accept that my parenting journey wasn’t going to match the image I had in my mind—and that was tough. I actually think I had to go through a bit of a mourning process to be able to accept this.
Accepting that this journey would be very different from what I expected has allowed me to adapt, grow, and find joy in moments I never anticipated. Instead of focusing on what could have been, I now focus on the present: the achievements my children do make, the laughter we share, and the strength we all gain from each day. We find joy in the simplest, and most unexpected places, which is wonderful.
3. Asking for help isn’t a weakness
In the early days of motherhood, I was determined to do everything on my own. I really thought that asking for help meant I wasn’t capable, that somehow I was failing if I couldn’t handle every aspect of caregiving myself. It didn’t take long for me to realize how unsustainable that approach was.
The truth is, asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s wise. Now, I take help wherever I can get it, whether it’s from family, friends, or professionals. Getting that extra hand means I have more energy for my children and myself, and that’s something we all benefit from.
4. There’s more support out there than you realise
Another big lesson I’ve learned is that there are more resources available than I initially knew. There are countless charities and organisations designed to support parents of disabled children—you just need to know where to look. Unfortunately, many of these resources aren’t well-publicised, so finding them can be tricky at first.
If I could go back in time, I would tell my past self to start by searching online and joining local Facebook groups for disability carers and parents. These communities are full of advice and recommendations, often leading to life-changing support services, grants, and respite care. Don’t be afraid to ask around and dig deep—you’ll be surprised by how much is out there. I have managed to secure us occupational therapy sessions, a course of music therapy, a new floor in my home, a special needs bed for my daughter, funding for holidays, and a big pack of sensory toys and goodies for the children. If you know where to look, and you’re prepared to spend some time on application forms, you’ll have access to some really helpful resources.
Final thoughts
Parenting two disabled children has been a challenging, eye-opening, and rewarding experience. The lessons I’ve learned have shaped me into a more adaptable, patient, and resilient person. If I could offer advice to anyone starting out on this journey, it would be to embrace your unique path, ask for help when you need it, and always stay curious about the support available to you. This isn’t the parenting journey I expected, but it’s one I’ve come to cherish.
